Strange: Points don't add up to much in spring

For instance, I have no clue whom Tennessee will drop back to return the opening kickoff against AlabamaBirmingham on Sept. 3.

I couldn't tell a whiff of difference Saturday between Henra Chennault, Roy Olasimbo and Jim Bob Cooter.

Who? Who? And really?

Yep, fan-favorite Jim Bob Cooter returned a kickoff. He also threw a nice touchdown pass, but it's not out of the ordinary to see a walk-on quarterback throw a touchdown pass in a spring game.

To see one return a kickoff is an indication that this spring game had gone through the looking glass.

There were other hints.

At halftime, a veteran East Tennessee sportswriter fell sound asleep at his press-box seat.

The head coach got confused and ordered a 50yard field-goal try on third down.

A kicker's extra-point ricocheted off both -- both! -- uprights before falling through. That's the equivalent of making a 7-10 split at Fountain Lanes.

After the game, a clot of 19 media types surrounded a freshman receiver who has never even suited up in a real game at Neyland Stadium. That kind of scene is usually reserved for Terrell Owens in Super Bowl week.

And then there was the scoring system.

Head coach Phillip Fulmer adapted it from a combination of Australian rules football and jai alai.

The offense was threatening a romp until Jonathan Hefney's 16-point interception return tightened things up.

At any rate, the Orange (offense) prevailed, 60-50.

"I didn't want it to be a 10-3 type scrimmage,'' Fulmer said. "The defense had been dominating most of the spring.''

Tennessee's bizarre exercise came on a day when South Carolina's spring game drew 38,000 and was televised by ESPN2. It came a week after Florida's game drew 58,500.

So Tennessee came off no better than third in the SEC East spring game competition.

It matters not. Spring games don't relate to the real ones in the fall.

"I don't think there's any correlation that I can remember,'' said Fulmer.

Tennessee doesn't have the new-coach energy going like a couple of its rivals. Saturday was Fulmer's 13th spring game in Neyland Stadium.

Score that one for the Vols. They aren't getting used to a new terminology or a new set of coaches. They're not even looking for a new quarterback.

This time last year Fulmer came out of the spring game knowing he was no closer to finding a starting quarterback than he was on the first day.

"This year I'm not sure who it's going to be but it's going to be a good one,'' he said. "That's a lot different situation than we had last year.''

So spring is over and it's on to the next phase, summer. It's a phase equal in importance to spring, if not more so, because of the myriad of injury-rehab scenarios.

I counted fewer than 40 players in uniform Saturday whom you might expect to play in an SEC game next fall. Most of the rest were cooling it on the sideline due to a surgically repaired body part.

A couple of others were healthy as a horse but suspended for off-the-field transgressions. Hopefully, summer will be a more law-abiding phase.

The Vols have generated so many negative headlines lately a caller to a local radio show Friday suggested the spring-game squad be divided into "County" and "State."

You know, to distinguish the jurisdiction of their offenses.

One of the multiple offenders, linebacker Daniel Brooks, delivered several big hits Saturday. His explanation:

"The only thing I can say is I was just at the right place at the right time.''

For a guy who's been at the wrong place at the wrong time off the field, that's a refreshing irony.

It was that kind of day. On to the next phase.