Phillip Fulmer sits alone in his office, game tape in his VCR. An orange moon shines through his window. The Neyland-Thompson Sports Complex is silent.

Without warning, the door to Fulmer's office blows wide open and in walks the spectre of Gen. Robert R. Neyland. With a whistle around his neck and a friendly smile, the General sits down across from a flabbergasted Fulmer.

"General, you scared me," sighs Fulmer, relaxing just a bit. "Halloween's kind of a scary time for you to be dropping in, isn't it?"

"Scary? I'm not half as scary as that offense of yours."

Fulmer drops his head. It seems even the spirit world wants to get its licks in.

"I brought you something that I thought might help." The General lays a piece of paper on Fulmer's desk.

"It's my old map of the field. It will tell you what to do and when to do it." The General points to the paper, which features a sketch of a football field with notes written in 10-yard intervals.

"See here? When you're inside your own 30 yard-line you need to quick kick on second or third down. Nothing good can happen to your offense when you're that deep in your own end. And here, only throw passes when you're past the 50 "

Fulmer leans back in his chair. He doesn't have time for this. "General, the game's changed a bunch since you coached."

"Still eleven men on a side?"

"Yes, but we don't have any two-way players anymore. We've got separate units for offense and defense. Shoot, we rotate 10 receivers, about eight lineman and two quarterbacks just on offense."

Neyland raises an eyebrow. "And how's that working out for you?"

Fulmer isn't amused. "Trust me, the game's not the same."

The General asks, "Still win with defense and a good kicking game?"

"Well that's the idea, but offenses play a much bigger role."

"Gus and Haywood still running around over here?"

"OK, I'll give you that. But we don't play Chattanooga and Sewanee like you used to."

"Really? Who you got left on your schedule?"

"Well, we've got Memphis and Kentucky and Vander OK, what's your point?"

Neyland leans forward. "Point is, you might as well just put everything on your defense. Coach 'em like I did. Quick kick on third down. Punt every chance you get. Don't pass the ball unless you have to. Let your defense carry things."

Fulmer shakes his head. "That kind of play won't work today. We've got to be a good offensive team."

"It's offensive, all right. Look, you don't seem to have any Lauricellas or Kozars on offense right now. So you might as well just let your defense do everything."

Neyland's ghost stands. "But don't listen to me. Do it your way. I was just trying to help."

"Where are you going now?"

"Got a game with 'Bama this afternoon. We still get together with 'em every year about this time. Got me a real good coaching staff, too. Bowden Wyatt, Bill Majors, Charlie Rash, Bob Jones. I've even got ol' Cafego coaching the kickers."

"I could use him around here today. What's your record against 'Bama?"

"You know how the Bear couldn't beat me in life? Streak's still intact."

Fulmer mulls this over. "General, why don't you sit back down and tell me a little more about this quick-kick idea. By the way, how do you handle the call-in shows?"

Neyland looks bewildered.

"They don't have call-in shows in the afterlife?"

"They do but not in heaven."

John Pennington hosts The Hall's Salvage Sports Source on Saturday at 11 a.m. on UPN Knoxville. He also writes a blog at govolsxtra.com.