Welcome to the worst weekend of the SEC football season.

How bad is it? It's so bad that if Wake Forest vs. Ole Miss were on TV, you would be tempted to watch it.

It's so bad that the best CBS could do was Arkansas-Alabama, which will determine who's the third-best team in the SEC West. Whoopee.

It's so bad because you remember how good last Saturday was.

Last Saturday, you had Auburn vs. LSU, and Tennessee vs. Florida. Today, you have Auburn vs. Buffalo, LSU vs. Tulane, UT vs. Marshall, and Florida vs. Kentucky.

The average point spread for those four games is 31.5.

As the SEC goes today, so goes the nation. Ohio State vs. Penn State is the only match-up between top-25 teams. Contrast that to last weekend when you had seven games between nationally ranked teams.

It's a better day for animal lovers than football fans. Football fans get Auburn vs. Buffalo. Animal lovers get a bulldog vs. a buffalo.

Who could ask for a better mascot showdown than Uga VI vs. Ralphie IV? Georgia vs. Colorado might be a mismatch, but Uga vs. Ralphie is a tossup. Athens, Ga., hasn't witnessed a non-conference pairing as appealing as this one since Texas A&M brought its collie, Reveille, to Sanford Stadium in 1980.

Ralphie, a 1,300-pound bison, will have a huge size advantage against the 65-pound Uga. But the long trip likely will take its toll on this full-figure girl. She arrived in Athens on Friday, after a cross-country trailer ride from Boulder, Colo.

Tennessee 27, Marshall 0: There's not as much thunder in the Thundering Herd as on its last visit to Neyland Stadium. In 2003, Marshall seized the momentum in the second half and was on the verge of upsetting the Vols when quarterback Stan Hill injured himself celebrating a Marshall touchdown.

UT's defense coupled with Marshall's offensive ineptitude should help the Thundering Herd avoid any celebration injuries today.

Arkansas 23, Alabama 20: These teams have plenty in common. Both wear red; Bear Bryant was an Arkansas native before he became an Alabama legend; Arkansas has the premier football program in its state, and Alabama used to have the premier college football program in its state.

With all that in common, it's no wonder Alabama-Arkansas has become a good rivalry. Since Arkansas joined the SEC in 1992, the Tide leads the series 8-6; six of the games have been decided by seven points or fewer.

Florida 46, Kentucky 13: The Wildcats not only are coming off a rare SEC victory, they just held an opponent to 14 points -- or 45 points fewer than Louisville scored against them in the season opener. So Kentucky fans have reason for optimism, right?

Not exactly. Kentucky's record after SEC victories is awful, and its defensive record is even worse.

In the game following Kentucky's last 10 SEC victories, its opponents are averaging 46.4 points.

Uga 31, Ralphie 0: Colorado first-year year coach Dan Hawkins obviously accepted the job before checking the schedule. Last year, Hawkins' highly touted Boise State team lost to the Bulldogs 48-13 in Athens.

Now, Hawkins returns to Athens with the nation's 115th-ranked offense. Georgia's fifth-rank defense reportedly has prepared for the game by laughing for extended periods of time.

LSU 45, Tulane 17: Tigers fans probably are still wondering how last week's game might have turned out if pass interference had been called against Auburn on that controversial fourth-quarter play.

Here's how: LSU quarterback JaMarcus Russell would have sabotaged his offense with another boneheaded decision, and Auburn would have won 7-3.

What I'm wondering: Why LSU quarterbacks Matt Flynn and Ryan Perrilloux didn't transfer after spring practice?

South Carolina 41, Florida Atlantic 10: You're thinking: "South Carolina couldn't score 41 points on anybody."

Florida Atlantic isn't just anybody. It's probably the worst Division I-A team in the country based on its first three games -- a 54-6 loss to Clemson, a 45-0 loss to Kansas State and a 48-8 loss to Oklahoma State.

The Owls rank last among 119 teams in defense against scoring. That's balanced by an offense that ranks 116th in scoring.

Auburn 45, Buffalo 6: SEC teams are a little late in discovering this record-friendly, non-conference opponent. Credit Auburn with thinking outside the box and not latching on to the usual SEC whipping hyphens, a.k.a. Louisiana-Lafayette and Louisiana-Monroe.

Warning to Mississippi State and Ole Miss: Stick to Louisiana-Lafayette and Louisiana-Monroe. The Buffalo Bulls already have beaten Temple and lost to Bowling Green in three overtimes.

Note to mascot fans: Neither a bull nor a bison will join the Buffalo team in Auburn.

Wake Forest 27, Ole Miss 24: Ole Miss coach Ed Orgeron is affectionately known as "Coach O" (at least, I assume there's still affection after 10 losses in his 14 games as Ole Miss head coach). But no one at Ole Miss is affectionately known as "Coach D."

Ole Miss ranks 102nd nationally in total defense, 104th in pass defense and 86th in rushing defense. In case you're wondering, Orgeron is also the defensive coordinator.

With a defensive coordinator nicknamed "Coach O," is there any wonder the defense is struggling?

UAB 13, Mississippi State 10: After failing to score in its first two losses, Mississippi State scored 29 points in a loss to Tulane, whose defense is now the subject of an NCAA investigation.

Following an injury to Michael Henig and ineffective play by Tray Rutland, former wide receiver Omarr Conner has become Mississippi State's third starting quarterback. In another position switch, Bully XIX reportedly has been moved from mascot to backup quarterback.

Vanderbilt 27, Tennessee State 7: This column has suspended its use of Vanderbilt as a throwaway line for football ineptitude in the SEC.

Mississippi State is 0-3 and has been shut out twice, South Carolina almost lost to Division I-AA Wofford, and Ole Miss calls its defensive coordinator "Coach O." So how can you make fun of Vanderbilt, which came close to upsetting both Alabama and Arkansas, and only lost by 20 to Michigan, which beat Notre Dame by 26?

Top 25: Ohio State 34, Penn State 13; Southern Cal 38, Arizona 10; West Virginia 45, East Carolina 20; Michigan 30, Wisconsin 17; Texas 41, Iowa State 14; Louisville 34, Kansas State 14; Virginia Tech 34, Cincinnati 13; Notre Dame 31, Michigan State 24; Iowa 38, Illinois 15; Oklahoma 31, Middle Tennessee State 7; Florida State 38, Rice 13; Cal 34, Arizona State 27; Boston College 27, N.C. State 24; Clemson 30, North Carolina 17; Nebraska 38, Troy 20; Boise State 37, Hawaii 34.

Record: 62-8 (.882) overall, 31-31 (.500) against the spread.