Geoff Calkins: Vols beat West and joke into ground

Game Recap: Memphis vs. UT

Vols defeat Memphis 56-28

KNOXVILLE -- Did you hear the one about the Memphis Tigers football team?

They fumbled another kickoff.

Hohohoho.

They've guaranteed themselves a losing record for the third time in four years.

Hahahaha.

They lost to the Tennessee Volunteers Saturday night, 56-28.

Cue laugh track here. Or, maybe not.

The rout really wasn't that funny. But, then, neither was the joke that inspired it.

"It might have been the worst joke I've ever heard in my life," said Tennessee guard Jacques McClendon.

"I didn't get it," said Tennessee tight end Luke Stocker.

OK, but since when does iffy humor require this sort of payback?

Memphis coach Tommy West told a joke about Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin at the Highland Hundred banquet before the season began.

The joke involved a talking dog. In the joke, Kiffin sold the dog for five bucks because it fibbed.

A talking dog would still be worth more than five bucks even if it fibs, see?

"I still don't get it," Kiffin said.

Which did not stop him from taking offense.

I had written about the joke in a column. Kiffin plastered copies of the column all over the Tennessee meeting rooms.

The guy clearly would rather dish it out than take it. He used West's standup to inspire Tennessee's first-half smackdown.

"We want to protect our team and coach Kiffin is part of our team," said Stocker.

Making the world safe from bad humor, one football coach at a time.

Up 14-0, Tennessee went for it on fourth-and-2 from the Memphis 49.

Up 14-0, Tennessee went for it on fourth-and-1 from the Tennessee 35.

Up 35-0, Tennessee called a timeout.

A timeout! Up by 35! It couldn't have been more clear that Kiffin was out to do more than win a game. He was out to bury the Tigers, to prove to potential recruits and everyone else back in West Tennessee that the only thing worthy of laughs in Memphis is the local football team.

He didn't even deny it afterward.

"It wasn't that we were trying to play a lot of guys," said Kiffin. "We wanted to make a statement."

So let anyone who is tempted to tell a joke about the Tennessee head coach remember this day!

And yes, Kiffin can come across as an insufferable punk at times. But he's a winning punk. He's a punk who has his team on a roll.

Wouldn't Memphis do well to have a punk like that? And isn't it possible that, in trying to humiliate West and company, Kiffin may have helped the Memphis program in the long run?

How can the Memphis administration fail to take note of yet another hammering? How can they not realize how ridiculous the school looks?

Memphis athletic director R.C. Johnson went out and hired former Big East commissioner Mike Tranghese, supposedly to help Memphis get into a BCS Conference. But the football team --- the only team that matters in the BCS calculus -- would struggle to win games in the Sun Belt.

This is not a great Tennessee team, remember. This is Kiffin's rebuilding year.

Western Kentucky gave Tennessee a nice game in this stadium. Ohio University nearly beat the Vols.

Memphis was down 35-0 in the second quarter and 42-7 at the half.

It was all depressingly familiar. It was the stuff we've seen all year. A snap sailing over the quarterback's head. An opponent scoring a touchdown on second-and-goal from the Memphis 17.

By the time Memphis showed up to play the second half, the game was well out of hand.

West said he didn't exactly know why that happened. He wondered if his guys might have suffered from stage fright.

Outside the Tennessee locker room, Kiffin had his own theory.

"I guess that dog bit back a little bit," he said.

To reach Geoff Calkins, call 901-529-2364 or e-mail calkins@commercialappeal.com. Hear his radio show, "The Geoff & Gary Show," 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Monday-Friday on 730 Fox Sports.