Adams: Hand it to humorous Caldwell

HOOVER, Ala. — The SEC media days took an unexpected turn from grimaces to grins Thursday, with an unlikely candidate steering them toward comedic grounds.

Meet Robbie Caldwell, the only comic standing in the media room at the Wynfrey Hotel.

Vanderbilt football hasn’t been this funny since it lost to Tennessee 65-0. SEC media days haven’t been this funny since Hugh Durham, Wimp Sanderson and Sonny Smith were coaching basketball in the conference.

Caldwell began the press conference as an unknown interim head coach, suddenly thrust into the role when Bobby Johnson retired. About 30 minutes later, he left the lectern to an unprecedented round of applause.

When was the last time you heard the media applaud a football coach?

Answer: When was the last time you heard a football coach provide a detailed account of his job on a turkey farm (Caldwell was on the “inseminating crew”).

“Best job I ever had,” Caldwell said straight-faced. “Got paid by the hour.”

You only have to listen to Caldwell a few minutes to realize he’s as country as Dolly Parton and just as unpretentious. His folksy, self-deprecating humor fits Vanderbilt about as well as Vanderbilt football fits the rest of the SEC. But this odd coupling makes him even funnier.

Now, back to the turkey farm, where Caldwell found gainful employment while growing up in Pageland, S.C., which residents proclaimed as the “watermelon capitol of the world,” and where hunting, fishing and frog gigging were the most popular recreational pursuits.

“If I told some of these ladies what they put in that lipstick right there — oh my goodness — because I de-beaked, blood-tested, vaccinated, done it all. It was pretty special.”

There also was an intellectual aspect to Caldwell’s first job.

“A wild turkey is one of the smartest animals in the world,” he said. “But a domestic turkey is the dumbest thing. … I guess that’s why I worked so well with them.”

Asked by a city slicker for more details on the insemination business, Caldwell gladly obliged.

“It fertilizes the egg so they produce a better turkey,” he explained. “It’s an interesting process. I’d be glad to show you sometime. We get a tom in here … ”

Caldwell’s current job seems drab by comparison. He’s taking over — at least on an interim basis — a team that just went 2-10 (0-8 in the SEC), which, even by Vanderbilt standards, was bad enough to have influential fans nipping at Johnson’s heels.

Johnson beat boosters to the punch by resigning abruptly last week. Caldwell, who was assistant head coach and offensive line coach under Johnson, was promoted immediately — too fast, in fact, to be dressed for the occasion. He was working up a sweat lining the field for Vanderbilt’s summer camp when he got the news.

“I go from lining the field to I’m a head coach in the SEC,” Caldwell said. “What a thrill. … This is the greatest thrill of my life other than my child being born.”

No one has ever sounded so excited about being the head coach at Vanderbilt.

His joy emanates from a love of coaching, as well as a sense that the head-coaching parade seemingly had passed him by. Then, after 30 years as an assistant, presto — he was an SEC head coach just like Nick Saban, Urban Meyer and Steve Spurrier.

Caldwell was asked if his coaching cohorts had congratulated him.

“No, not a one,” he said. “They don’t know me. They have no idea who I am.

“I can still walk in places and nobody knows me. Last night, I was opening the door for some people, and they gave me a tip.”

But everybody knew who he was Thursday. He was the funniest guy at media days.

His challenge will be maintaining that sense of humor through a full season at Vanderbilt.

John Adams may be reached at 865-342-6284 or adamsj@knoxnews.com.