I just completed my Christmas shopping, and it didn't cost me a thing.
Lance Armstrong — The longest nose in sports.
Alex Rodriguez — A booster shot of you know what.
R.A. Dickey — An everlasting knuckle ball.
Mike Strange — Everlasting taillights.
Cordarrelle Patterson — Lots of open field.
Brooklyn Battle — Lots of open shots.
Brendan Quinn — A drawl.
Derek Dooley — Water skis with training wheels and a football analyst's job with a major network.
Tyler Bray — Plastic beer bottles.
Justin Hunter — Glue.
Dan Fleser — A T-shirt that reads, "I kicked cancer's butt."
University of Tennessee ushers — Free meals at the concession stand.
Lindsey Nelson Stadium — An elevator.
Johnny Manziel — See Cordarrelle Patterson.
Cuonzo Martin — A healthy Jeronne Maymon.
Evan Woodbery — Another "r."
The NFL — A Manning vs. Manning Super Bowl.
Archie Manning — Neutrality.
UT — More lawyers on retainer.
Tim Tebow — Escape from New York.
UT basketball — Kentucky in the Big Ten.
Kobe Bryant — His nickname back from De'Anthony Thomas.
Heather Harrington — A "Back Up" bumper sticker.
Tiger Woods — Major improvement.
Jesse Smithey — Showtime.
"Homeland" — Jack Bauer.
"24" — A movie.
Friday Night Lights — A comeback.
Allstate's Mayhem Guy — A movie.
Melinda Adams — More blue-ribbon photos.
Bobby Petrino — A motorcycle with no back seat.
Georgia football — Five more yards or one fewer deflection.
Butch Jones — Four-stars.
Chris Adams — Selective aggressiveness.
My Cook's guys — Better dog detectors or better 40 times.
Jimmy Hyams — A guard dog as good as Chris Adams.
Ella Myers — Another picks panel championship.
Jimmy Cheek — A spot on the picks panel.
Keith Goodwin — A thank-you from the picks panel.
Peyton Newman — A third-floor hockey rink at East Tennessee Children's Hospital.
Dave Hooker — Recruits who can talk as well as they play.
Steve Spurrier — A Dabo Swinney punching bag.
My mother-in-law — A battery-powered button that plays: "Wrong again."
Myrtle Mae — More healthy purrs.
Jim Wogan — See "Dan Fleser."
UT's defense — Help.
UT's 3-4 — Quoth the raven, "Never more."
John Pennington — The best for his Pats and Cats.
Bob Hodge — Sitting ducks.
John Adams — A green jay.
Bob Lovelace — A thank-you from "The Sports Page."
Vince Ferrara — Marco's Pizza.
Ben Easterday — Another go at the Washington Senators fan he KO'd.
Litton's — Baby Jane on a daily basis.
Lady Vols basketball — A regional without Baylor.
Tom Roberts — A best-seller.
Rachel Wise — A bigger pen.
Mike Brown — An Ivy League team to accommodate his Princeton offense.
Los Angeles Lakers — See UT's defense.
Leanne Cox — A hit CD.
Matthew Mitchell — A moon walk on a Final Four stage.
Dana Lobetti — One fewer ring.
Ashley Draper — A band.
Tony Basilio — Another line as good as "Buddy Can't Hackett" (for Sal Sunseri).
Jerry Sandusky — "Oz."
Alzheimer's — More adversaries as strong and committed as Pat Summitt.
John Adams is a senior columnist. He may be reached at 865-342-6284 or adamsj@knoxnews.com. Follow him at http://twitter.com/johnadamskns.
Oregon sends Lady Vols home from…
Scripps Interactive Newspapers Group
Comments » 9
TheVolMan writes:
Great article JA. Ignore the low-functioning haters. Obama kicking Romney's butt really rattled their cages. Lol...
LCPanthers (Inactive) writes:
Agreed.
GOJO writes:
Volman, you just have to slip politics into eveerything don't you?
Not to worry, Gop still rules Tennessee.
Hope you get your Nerf ball for Christmas.
Johnnysentville writes:
This is complete garbage, I really am upset I actually read this. Please give me the last 45 seconds of my life back.
jmaples54 writes:
then why waste an additional hour thinking up a comment to post?
pomp_and_circumstance writes:
John Adams was voted the wittiest boy of the sixth grade class, and he hasn't changed a bit.
SummittsCourt writes:
You two should enjoy embracing each other more often since your boy says gay marriage is ok.
strops writes:
I'm so disappointed. I scanned the list and didn't see----john adams-a job anywhere but in Knoxville
10seVol85_Part_Deux writes:
JA, Cordarelle Patterson wouldn't be fun to watch with open field. It's his artistry in the crowds he impossibly escapes that makes him exciting and dangerous.
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